She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
