i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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