Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
