It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
