did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
