hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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