I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
