I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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