i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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