Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
