DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
