I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
