This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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