He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
