So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
