would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
