There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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