I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
