i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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