Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
