They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
