I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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