Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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