Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
