So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My pussy is not your playground.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
