So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
