We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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