i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
