She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
