I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I love having hate sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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