he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
