Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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