i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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