positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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