So drunk its hurt
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
