I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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