Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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