well I can't set my house on fire every night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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