It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
