I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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