I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
