all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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