Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
