haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
