There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
