STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
