it's too hot outside to masturbate.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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