ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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