He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
