smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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